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Can you imagine total chaos? 26/01/2010

Posted by Sir Ralph in how it came about.
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I bet you can´t! Imagine a room, full of half eaten sandwiches, empty plastic packs of youghurt or quark, chocolate bar wrappings, tons of sheets of paper, cut and torn clothes…

This was the state in which Susan´s room was in. And this was not the work of a week or even days. Susan could create a mess like this in a matter of two hours.

But how did she do that? Where did she get all the things from? For months now, we have been locking the kitchen the copying paper has been locked away in my study, we supplied her with sweets of all kind for a case of emergency – and still, she found ways to access our supplies, partly stored in the fridge in the cellar. Shopping for the week has become an incalculable adventure, not knowing how much there would be left of anything.

The same, Susan is unwilling to put her clothes into the wardrobe or take worn clothes to the washing machine in the cellar. It was all spread out on the floor of her room.

And you better don´t criticise her behaviour, unless you are prepared to get an aggessive outbreak and slammed doors.

We ask ourselves constantly what might go on in her mind that makes her do the things she does. We know that because of neglect in her early years of childhood, she was storing food and drinks in her room. We know that cutting and tearing her clothes derives from her urge to destroy what she likes, and the same goes for enjoyable situations. But why does she tear sheets of paper and spread them out on the floor?

Many times, I helped her with tidying up her room, or at least part of it. As a result, one hour later, the state was as before. Some people say that her room was a sort of mirror of her inner self: chaotic, unstructured, messy.

We decided that we couldn´t go on with Susan like that, and bear her behaviour that was destroying our family. An immediate solution of the problem had to be found. This would definitely mean an admission in a mental institution where we could rely on a special trauma treatment. It would mean that we would be integrated in the therapeutical process, so that Susan could return to our family and would be able to go on with a trauma therapy to bring relief to us all.

There is no question of why we are doing all that. We´re in too deep. Can we really manage all that and find an acceptable solution?

Susan, what is becoming of her? 20/01/2010

Posted by Sir Ralph in How it went on.
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The day couldn´t be more controversial. In the morning the assistance conference for Susan took place. Our welfare official was present, together with another official who is in charge of children who are in danger of mental handicap. Both of our foster daughters have been classed in this category. As Susan is in the custody of the youth welfare, there is a change in responsibilities. Not to our best, as will be proven.

Furthermore, the biological father and family case manager were taking part. No idea why the co-ordinator of the family case manager was present, as well. Does she mistrust her own employee?

In the beginning, I gave a detailed description of the reasons for giving Susan into the youth welfare office custody. It is a strange situation. Why couldn´t I get rid of the feeling that we have failed? Nobody said so, and the atmoshere is professional. Maybe that´s the reason. A mention like “Don´t worry, you have done all that there was to be done” would have shown some appreciation for us.

In fact, the decision-making of the authorities played an important part in the coming up of the present situation as we see it. The authorities argue rather blodly that the trauma therapy which we applied for during a year´s period was not sufficient any more. No word about the fact that it was them who refused a special therapy, without having an idea of how it works. No word about the fact that in my position as foster parent had tried to find an appropriate institution, writing letters and making telephone calls. Is this my competence, anyway, or isn´t it rather the responsibility of the professionals to get this under way?

The educator in charge of Susan is looking at the problem from another position. We believe her report to be trustworthy, as she leaves an impression of dedication with us. Her report gives a totally different picture than we had of Susan before she had left us. She is easy to be integrated, keeps to the rules. She is amazed about how calm and relaxed the reaction to her situation was.

The biological father came up with what he probably thought to be a brilliant idea. Susan should be accommodated in an institution near his place of residence, so that he could visit her more often. Was this the start of returning her to the person who had abused and neglected this girl for such a long time? Was it going to start all over again? Is the fact that he had served his sentence enough of a reason to give it another try? Just the idea of that gives me the creeps.

Fortunately, this suggestion isn´t acceptable even for the youth office officials. Most of all, the intention to keep up Susan´s relation to Janet was reason enough not to follow this proposal.

It is evident to everybody present that Susan needs a therapeutical housing group. A suggestion for such a group near our residence is turned down because it is supposed to be unsuitable.

At least, everybody agreed on the procedure to visit any chosen institution beforehand and also escort the removal. I agreed because it gave me the chance to keep up some influence at least on the choice – as things will develop, I won´t be very successful with putting through this intention.

Change of location and situation. Emergency unit in the emergency housing group. Susan was already attending my arrival. We were spending ten minutes outside on the playground. I observed that the present situation is of utmost importance for her. She left the impression of being distractable and nervous, always moving about and avoiding eye contact. She is not able to concentrate on any conversation, all the time looking around as if she was searching for something. It gave me the impression of a typical lack of concentration syndrome, like when she lived with us, only more intense. She spoke in confusion about clashes amongst members of the housing group. Maybe it is only my perception from a more distant position that made me feel uncomfortable. Anyway, soon Susan had enough of my presence and decided to leae.

Ruth and Janet were already attending my return when I arrived. What was it like? I told them of my impressions. All of us felt distressed. Still, it will be me to keep up contact. Both of them wouldn´t be able to bear this sort of situation, and I don´t like it, either.